god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
