The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
