i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
