Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
