Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
