your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just had sex bonerless
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
