I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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