If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
