Just cropdusted the office
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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