so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
