It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
