Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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