If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
