I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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