Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
