Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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