That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
