No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
