I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
