her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
