I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
