My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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