i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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