Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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