At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
