When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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