God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
