Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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