My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize