my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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