Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
