fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
