Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
