thus making me awesome and them whores
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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