Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
