he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
