Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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