Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
