I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
