You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
