I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
