I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize