So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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