she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
