My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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