You can't special order awesome
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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