when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
