He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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