Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
