My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
