Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
