I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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