Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
