just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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