When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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