Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
