Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
