woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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