Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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