I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
