so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
