a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
