just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize