Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
