my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
