if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
