Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
