I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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