Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize