As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
