Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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