Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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