I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
