Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
